Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
