You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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