How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
