Say something about gay babies.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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