Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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