cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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