Me too!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
