your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
