VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
