did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
