My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
