wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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