Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
