Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
