Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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