the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
