also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
