if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
