I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
