Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
