So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
