I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
