just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
