Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
