She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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