Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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