I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
