____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This baby is an asshole
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
