so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
