toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
