I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
