I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
