Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
