we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
