does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
