OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's shark week go big or go home
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
