capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize