Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
