Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
