I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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