You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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