New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
