Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
