Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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