What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize