i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
