im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
