That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
