then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
