I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
