Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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