I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
