Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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