I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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