I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
