Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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