So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We are two peas in an std pod
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
