She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I can text with my tongue
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
