Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
