Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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