god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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