was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
