Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
