I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
