I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
