dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
