I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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