Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
