I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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