you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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