Do you still have your period?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
