We named our party play list daddy issues
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
