Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize