You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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