I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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