At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
