What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
