it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
