so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
