Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Someone signed my nipple.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
