i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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