I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Welp...herpes.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
