so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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