People in love make me want to vomit
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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