My nipple is on Facebook.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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