never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
