So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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