Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
